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| I'M SORRY THAT I'M SORRY! |
Written by Kennan Cooley
Do you ever find yourself saying, “I’m sorry” a lot? Do you ever wonder why?
For many women saying I am sorry is easier than saying something they really feel. Many women have developed the habit of apologizing for having an opinion or stating a fact that someone else may not like.
Apologizing is an important part of communication. However some women overuse it and it reflects as insecurity rather than confident authority.
You are a strong woman in a position that requires you to make decisions. You are good at making decisions but you are also good at apologizing for them.
“John we need to make our deadline for our client today. I am sorry you are unable to leave early to play golf like you asked me earlier.” John grumbles mumbling words of discontent and later you overhear him speaking poorly of you to his co-workers.
As the supervisor, you have a responsibility to ensure all deadlines and goals are achieved despite the response of those around you. Your job is on the line. If the project falls behind, your boss doesn’t go find John. He finds you!
If you are uncomfortable with the direct approach but need to establish your authority, you can say, “Hi John. I really appreciate the work you have done on this project. You have helped us achieve an excellent product. I need you to stay and help finish today so we can all go play a round of golf later!”
In the second scenario you took time to appreciate him (even if he didn’t completely deserve it, he will think he did or his guilt will get him into gear) and you enlisted his help to finish on time. No where in the scenario did you need to apologize for doing your job!
We can also use it in our personal lives as we deal with our mates, children, family and friends. We may not feel comfortable in our thoughts and opinions so we mask it in an apology. When we say, “I’m sorry” and we have done nothing wrong, we give the world permission to treat us in a way that blames us because we accept it. If you have done wrong, apologize. If it was not you, allow someone else to take the responsibility for the relationship.
If you are an “over-apologizer” examine why you use it. Maybe it lies in how you feel about yourself and your right to be you!
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